Vampires, Werewolfs, and Douchebags. Is there anything this series doesn’t have? Except, you know, decent fucking writing?
I truly don’t understand what the fuss is about. Stephenie Meyer is a fucking hack. I had the misfortune of being stuck in Minneapolis last year after a most bitching Slipknot show and the next morning, while nursing my hangover and waiting for everyone else to wake up, I pulled the book from the shelf of a deranged fan and perused the first 200 pages or so in like, 30 minutes. Granted, I read like roadrunners fuck but I’m not that fast. It was just that easy to read. It might as well have been published by Scholastic next to the nickel books on your kindergartners’ desk. It was disgusting.
“Ohhh Edward, make me your zombie he-bitch! Giggle!” wailed millions of androgynous ass-wipes.
Can this shit get any worse? These pieces of shit get released faster than big-booty whores marry semi-talented basketball players. New Moon is right around the corner and I feel the need to brain anyone I see reading this book. Look, it’s no secret I hate this shit and have long harbored venomous thoughts about blowing up Stephenie with my mind but can we tone it down a bit? Edward doesn’t need to be branded on your 13 year old daughters bitty-titties.
Anyone with half a dead-brain (read: the fans) would realize that Edward, as a vampire, is over a hundred years old, a 104 to be exact according to Wikipedia, and as such, his involvement with “Bella” would be a cut and dry case of pedophilia. Is this really the message we want to send to the world 382 million times over?
I hope you all get paper cuts and die over your copy of Breaking Dawn.
Be Well Citizen









